March 16, 2002 10:23 AM

The mysteries of lust, infatuation, and long-term attachment are revealed!

As further proof that I'm a guy, the first thing I do while reading this article is apply it to my own recent club hopping experience. So, when I'm dancing, and a girl (they always seem tall, although I guess I just might not see the short ones) maneuvers in my general direction, eventually giving me "the glance" - that means I should talk to her. OK, then I need to watch her toes. That one's gonna be hard, since I usually can't see that far away. The good news is that it doesn't really matter what I say, just how I say it. Inward movement of the toes is good, outward movement is bad. Got it.

Either that, or I should start smoking.

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